I am seriously frustrated by my school situation. First of all... If I want to get into the UNR RN-BSN program for Fall 2012, I have to have 4 classes completed by Spring, or Summer if I want to be 2nd priorty on the list... That's basically impossible right now.
So I have decided to take 2 classes next semester, then 1 in fall and 1 the follow spring. Okay, fine. But then I go online to UNR and they hardly offer any online courses. WTF?! They are making this impossible!! I can't actually go to class because my work schedule is always crazy and doesn't allow it. Therefore, online classes are the best for me. Well, gee, thanks UNR...You are really making it impossible for me to further my education right now. Maybe it's not meant to be....... ARG.
Anyway... I haven't been up to too much. I've been trying to workout on my days off of work and man, it is hard sometimes. I just get sooo tired! It's exhausting, and I feel so weak at the gym. One thing I have discovered that I really like is the sauna..ahhh :) It's really relaxing after working out. It's so hot but it feels good.
Just working and finishing up this semester's classes.
I can't wait for Mike, JaNae and Jacoby to get here!!! They will be here the 23rd I think. I am so excited to meet my little cutie nephew! FINALLY!!
Thanksgiving was really good this year. We all went to the Nugget buffet which was amazzzzzing! It was so delicious and you got a huge variety of food, not just same old thanksgiving food, which honestly I don't like that much. YUM! Then Kyle, Aimee, James and I headed to the movies to see Breaking Dawn Part 1....also amazing! I loved it. They all hated it but I really liked it. It was fun to be off of work and get to spend time with my entire family... I loved it.
PS.. Doing pretty well with my "turning tables" and working harder toward doing better with certain things in my life. I am okay with that right now. I have to keep trying and moving forward...
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Turning Tables
Well.. I am ready for a new chapter in my life.
I am ready to be a better person, a better friend, a better daughter, a better wife, a better anything and everything... I really want to try hard to be a better person. And there a few things I have to change in order to do that. I don't need to write them down here, because I know what they are and I can work on them if I try. I will need help, but that's what I have Kyle and my family for.
I don't want to become a hole of a person, who is just here and not accomplishing anything or feeling good about myself or my life.
I am not happy right now. I am not happy with myself mainly, but I am also not happy with where my life is, the chapter I'm in and trying to crawl my way out of it. I have every reason to be happy... There is not a thing in my life that is bad but somehow I just can't seem to be happy with it. So I guess that points right to ME. I am what is making myself unhappy.
I need to learn to be happier, appreciate more, give more, and stop being so selfish.
I really really really want to have kids, and I can't be this way when I have kids. I need to be loving and unselfish and willing to give everything to them, as well as Kyle and my family.
It is really hard to be happy every single day... No one in this world is happy all the time. We are entitled to bad days and good days, and that's part of life.
For today... I am going to be thankful. I am going to give back a little bit. And work one day at a time on the things I need to change. It will take time, but the destination will be worth it.
Happiness is a mood...Not a destination!
I am ready to be a better person, a better friend, a better daughter, a better wife, a better anything and everything... I really want to try hard to be a better person. And there a few things I have to change in order to do that. I don't need to write them down here, because I know what they are and I can work on them if I try. I will need help, but that's what I have Kyle and my family for.
I don't want to become a hole of a person, who is just here and not accomplishing anything or feeling good about myself or my life.
I am not happy right now. I am not happy with myself mainly, but I am also not happy with where my life is, the chapter I'm in and trying to crawl my way out of it. I have every reason to be happy... There is not a thing in my life that is bad but somehow I just can't seem to be happy with it. So I guess that points right to ME. I am what is making myself unhappy.
I need to learn to be happier, appreciate more, give more, and stop being so selfish.
I really really really want to have kids, and I can't be this way when I have kids. I need to be loving and unselfish and willing to give everything to them, as well as Kyle and my family.
It is really hard to be happy every single day... No one in this world is happy all the time. We are entitled to bad days and good days, and that's part of life.
For today... I am going to be thankful. I am going to give back a little bit. And work one day at a time on the things I need to change. It will take time, but the destination will be worth it.
Happiness is a mood...Not a destination!
Friday, November 11, 2011
If tonight is my last
Just a song that makes me happy lately... So true.
If an angel came down to me, asked what I would do differentlyI would say nothing, you see, I love someone truly
And if I do not see tomorrow, you know it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got my baby right by my side
And if the rain ain't falling and the sun ain't shiningIt makes no difference to me
I'm right where I wanna be
And if tonight is my last what I gotta do?
And if tonight is my last I wanna spend it with you
And if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got you here tonight
If I had to give all that I ownIn return for the love that's grownI would give it gladly 'cause nothing else compares
To the moments that we sharedAnd if the rain ain't falling and the sun ain't shiningIt makes no difference to me
I'm right where I wanna be
And if tonight is my last what I gotta do?
And if tonight is my last I wanna spend it with youAnd if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got you here tonight
Only given a short time on this earth
You gotta make each moment worth something beautiful
You gotta give every bit of you for the loveHalf just won't doAnd if tonight is my last what I gotta do?And if tonight is my last I wanna spend it with you
And if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got you here tonight
If tonight is my last what I gotta do?(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
If tonight is my last I wanna spend it with you(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
And if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
Because I got you here tonight, here tonight(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
It's gonna be alright
If an angel came down to me, asked what I would do differently
I would say nothing, you see, I love someone truly
If an angel came down to me, asked what I would do differentlyI would say nothing, you see, I love someone truly
And if I do not see tomorrow, you know it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got my baby right by my side
And if the rain ain't falling and the sun ain't shiningIt makes no difference to me
I'm right where I wanna be
And if tonight is my last what I gotta do?
And if tonight is my last I wanna spend it with you
And if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got you here tonight
If I had to give all that I ownIn return for the love that's grownI would give it gladly 'cause nothing else compares
To the moments that we sharedAnd if the rain ain't falling and the sun ain't shiningIt makes no difference to me
I'm right where I wanna be
And if tonight is my last what I gotta do?
And if tonight is my last I wanna spend it with youAnd if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got you here tonight
Only given a short time on this earth
You gotta make each moment worth something beautiful
You gotta give every bit of you for the loveHalf just won't doAnd if tonight is my last what I gotta do?And if tonight is my last I wanna spend it with you
And if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright
'Cause I got you here tonight
If tonight is my last what I gotta do?(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
If tonight is my last I wanna spend it with you(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
And if the sky fall's down it's gonna be alright(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
Because I got you here tonight, here tonight(It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright)
It's gonna be alright
If an angel came down to me, asked what I would do differently
I would say nothing, you see, I love someone truly
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Why?
Why do I do this to myself? I wake up almost every single morning wondering my Why questions fo the day. I wake up almost every morning feeling like crap.. literally my body hates me, I don't understand half of the things in my life or what's going on or why I do half of the things I do.. to myself and others.
Some days just really don't make sense to me. My head is constantly in a fog that it won't come out of. I have to force myself to be motivated, even though I honestly couldn't care less about a LOT of things. I try to be motivated, but most of the time it doesn't work. I go to work, get my work done, most of the time not caring very much, come home, go to sleep and repeat. I'm in 2 classes that don't matter and really, who gives a crap about history classes? Not me, I don't learn anything from them. I try to remind myself that it's getting me toward my ultimate goal...getting a BSN. But again, why am I doing that? I don't seem to care, or can't find the energy to care about even doing that, even though I KNOW it will better my life.
I just don't care right now... And I can't seem to shake the feeling off. I WANT to care and be motivated, but it's not working.
In the end...It doesn't even matter.
/end depressing post.
Some days just really don't make sense to me. My head is constantly in a fog that it won't come out of. I have to force myself to be motivated, even though I honestly couldn't care less about a LOT of things. I try to be motivated, but most of the time it doesn't work. I go to work, get my work done, most of the time not caring very much, come home, go to sleep and repeat. I'm in 2 classes that don't matter and really, who gives a crap about history classes? Not me, I don't learn anything from them. I try to remind myself that it's getting me toward my ultimate goal...getting a BSN. But again, why am I doing that? I don't seem to care, or can't find the energy to care about even doing that, even though I KNOW it will better my life.
I just don't care right now... And I can't seem to shake the feeling off. I WANT to care and be motivated, but it's not working.
In the end...It doesn't even matter.
/end depressing post.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
In a nut shell
Well.. I haven't blogged since March, big suprise I know. Here is what we have been up to in a quick, photo nut shell..... I graduated!! Wooohooooo!! I am a RN now :)
I got a job at Renown!! I work on Medical/Telemetry.. It's so challenging every single day, but it's very rewarding and I've learned so much already
We have a nephew!!!! We have yet to meet this little guy but we will get to meet him at Christmas, which I can't wait for! Jacoby joined out family on July 27th! He is so darn cute, I can't wait to hold him.
Kyle and I took a trip to San Fransicso, which we loved! We met my cousin Danny and his wife Talisha there for some fun and a Radiers football game.. We had a blast!!
Kyle and I took a trip to San Fransicso, which we loved! We met my cousin Danny and his wife Talisha there for some fun and a Radiers football game.. We had a blast!!
Maybe now that I have all of those major events "documented" I'll try a little harder to keep up with my blog. Right now, I am just working my behind off and taking 2 classes working towards my BSN. Hopefully I can get in the UNR program and be done with my prereqs by next Fall but we will see.
Yep, my life is just so exciting!! Haha :)
Yep, my life is just so exciting!! Haha :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Random Thoughts
Random things:
1. My grandma passed away on Saturday March 12th. Really sad... My mom went down there for the funeral, but I am unable to go...Thanks nursing school/lack of funds. ERG. She will be very missed.. Love you grandma.
2. Had my interview with Renown. It went ok... I wish it was longer (it was only about 20 minutes because they had so many people to interview) and I feel like it wasn't enough time to really let my personality shine. :( Hopefully I will get a job... But if I don't get hired there, I guess that's not where I was meant to be at the moment. If I don't get a new grad position, I will just have to wait until I get my RN license and apply EVERYWHERE! As a New Grad position, they limited us to apply for only ONE thing.. I applied to Telemetry, which includes 3 floors. So.. We will see. Hopefully we get to hear something by next week...UGH! The anticipation is killing me!
3. It's "Spring Break" and I am having a huge beautify week! I am so spoiled by Kyle and my family.. For my birthday, Kyle let me get my hair done (I got it done today, a day early), tomorrow I am getting a wax, and Friday I am getting a massage from my mom!! LOVE IT! Helps me feel a little better about myself :)
That's it for now...
1. My grandma passed away on Saturday March 12th. Really sad... My mom went down there for the funeral, but I am unable to go...Thanks nursing school/lack of funds. ERG. She will be very missed.. Love you grandma.
2. Had my interview with Renown. It went ok... I wish it was longer (it was only about 20 minutes because they had so many people to interview) and I feel like it wasn't enough time to really let my personality shine. :( Hopefully I will get a job... But if I don't get hired there, I guess that's not where I was meant to be at the moment. If I don't get a new grad position, I will just have to wait until I get my RN license and apply EVERYWHERE! As a New Grad position, they limited us to apply for only ONE thing.. I applied to Telemetry, which includes 3 floors. So.. We will see. Hopefully we get to hear something by next week...UGH! The anticipation is killing me!
3. It's "Spring Break" and I am having a huge beautify week! I am so spoiled by Kyle and my family.. For my birthday, Kyle let me get my hair done (I got it done today, a day early), tomorrow I am getting a wax, and Friday I am getting a massage from my mom!! LOVE IT! Helps me feel a little better about myself :)
That's it for now...
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Once Again..
..I've fallen off the blogging wagon! Geeez.. It's been about 2 months since I last blogged! Not that anyone reads this..
Wow..Well...January came and went. Nothing very exciting except starting my 4th and FINAL semester of nursing school! WooHOOO!!...So you guessed it, that's what has been keeping me overwhelmingly busy - aside from looking and applying for jobs, thinking about what to do with this house, if we should move or not, etc..etc.....
4th semester has been a challenge so far, but I'm enjoying it. We had our first exam on Feb 14th (happy love day! and happy birthday to Kyle!.. He got a stressed out, nervous wife for his birthday.. Another note on his birthday in a minute..) Anyway, the exam went fine.. Got an 82, which is a C in the nursing world.. So overall, not so great, but I passed, which is ALL I ask for! WOOHOO!
We have 2 lectures left and then another exam and then a final...and if finals are passed, then begins practicum and the winding down of my nursing school adventure...WOW... I almost can't believe I will be a RN in 3 months.. YIKES!!! :)
So that's what I've been up to... For Kyle's birthday, I surprised him and took him out to Ichiban on Saturday before his birthday! YUMMMM! He had never been there and he loved it! $115 later.. We left extremely full, broke, but satisfied. I also got him a card and a $50 gift certificate to Scheels for his birthday, which I gave him on the 14th. So, yes.. That's been the highlights of February.
On to March... It's been 2 days so far, but I'm looking forward to this month SO MUCH! Nicer weather (I HOPE!), Spring Break off of school, and my birthday.. All nice things to make the month go by faster! And I'm sure April will prove to be challenging but rewarding.. Finals and Practicum.. then GRADUATION and ANNIVERSARY in May!!!
Oh yeah.. This is what we made on the 14th for dinner... A Papa Murpheys heart shaped cheese pizza.. but we made it into a 7 cheese pizza and added MORE cheese! It was delicious!!
Wow..Well...January came and went. Nothing very exciting except starting my 4th and FINAL semester of nursing school! WooHOOO!!...So you guessed it, that's what has been keeping me overwhelmingly busy - aside from looking and applying for jobs, thinking about what to do with this house, if we should move or not, etc..etc.....
4th semester has been a challenge so far, but I'm enjoying it. We had our first exam on Feb 14th (happy love day! and happy birthday to Kyle!.. He got a stressed out, nervous wife for his birthday.. Another note on his birthday in a minute..) Anyway, the exam went fine.. Got an 82, which is a C in the nursing world.. So overall, not so great, but I passed, which is ALL I ask for! WOOHOO!
We have 2 lectures left and then another exam and then a final...and if finals are passed, then begins practicum and the winding down of my nursing school adventure...WOW... I almost can't believe I will be a RN in 3 months.. YIKES!!! :)
So that's what I've been up to... For Kyle's birthday, I surprised him and took him out to Ichiban on Saturday before his birthday! YUMMMM! He had never been there and he loved it! $115 later.. We left extremely full, broke, but satisfied. I also got him a card and a $50 gift certificate to Scheels for his birthday, which I gave him on the 14th. So, yes.. That's been the highlights of February.
On to March... It's been 2 days so far, but I'm looking forward to this month SO MUCH! Nicer weather (I HOPE!), Spring Break off of school, and my birthday.. All nice things to make the month go by faster! And I'm sure April will prove to be challenging but rewarding.. Finals and Practicum.. then GRADUATION and ANNIVERSARY in May!!!
Oh yeah.. This is what we made on the 14th for dinner... A Papa Murpheys heart shaped cheese pizza.. but we made it into a 7 cheese pizza and added MORE cheese! It was delicious!!
AND... I won my first "big win" gambling on a machine at Bullys.. $80! haha.. 4 3's and an Ace kicker! SWEET!! I was excited! 
On a side note and pretty morbid note... I did my first postmortem care yesterday for a patient that passed away on comfort care. It wasn't one of my (or my nurses) patients, so it didn't affect me very much... But just seeing a dead, lifeless body laying in a bed was pretty dang creepy. I helped remove lines from this woman (IV, foley, central line, etc..) and clean her up, make her a presentable as possible for her family to view. I didn't really affect me very much because like I said, it wasn't one my patients and I didn't even know her name. However, it did spark a little something in me and made me a little more fearful of dying. Her body was just laying there all cold and lifeless and it struck me how much this will hurt a family, friends, a husband.. Who knows! She was an older lady, but it still doesn't make it any easier. It made me realize I have no idea what to except when I die.. I have no beliefs, no religion, nothing to look forward to.. I just don't know anymore! It did put a little fear in me of how I'm going to die, when I'm going to die.. Will I die peacefully in a hospital bed with morphine pumping through my body and not being able to feel any pain? Will I die in a tragic way? I just don't know.. I mean, no one does.. But I guess being a nursing student/RN/any health care provider will make you realize more than other people that you really don't know and it could all end in a second.
There are my morbid thoughts to balance out my positive thoughts.. :)
Goodnight!!
On a side note and pretty morbid note... I did my first postmortem care yesterday for a patient that passed away on comfort care. It wasn't one of my (or my nurses) patients, so it didn't affect me very much... But just seeing a dead, lifeless body laying in a bed was pretty dang creepy. I helped remove lines from this woman (IV, foley, central line, etc..) and clean her up, make her a presentable as possible for her family to view. I didn't really affect me very much because like I said, it wasn't one my patients and I didn't even know her name. However, it did spark a little something in me and made me a little more fearful of dying. Her body was just laying there all cold and lifeless and it struck me how much this will hurt a family, friends, a husband.. Who knows! She was an older lady, but it still doesn't make it any easier. It made me realize I have no idea what to except when I die.. I have no beliefs, no religion, nothing to look forward to.. I just don't know anymore! It did put a little fear in me of how I'm going to die, when I'm going to die.. Will I die peacefully in a hospital bed with morphine pumping through my body and not being able to feel any pain? Will I die in a tragic way? I just don't know.. I mean, no one does.. But I guess being a nursing student/RN/any health care provider will make you realize more than other people that you really don't know and it could all end in a second.
There are my morbid thoughts to balance out my positive thoughts.. :)
Goodnight!!
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Another Day, NOT Another Dollar!
I haven't been up to much lately.. I haven't been working at all. I FINALLY go back to work 1 day this week (Saturday).. When I'm off of work, I love it.. I don't miss it at all and I don't think about wanting to be there or see anyone there! However, my bank account is extremely depleted of money and I worry constantly about how to pay the bills. Sure, Kyle makes money and pays for mostly everything.. The tiny amount of money I make at work doesn't help really at all, but it might pay for gas or something.. So I really should be working more.
Somehow I feel "entitled" to be off work while I'm on break from school. I hate working at Dickson. I hate it.. That's my real feeling. But at the same time, I LOVE the people there! I love Sherry - my boss and main administrator/receptionist. I love Melanie, my fellow co-worker and administrator assistant/receptionist/marketing. I've grown to really love these two people and all they have done for more. They are so understanding and gracious! Sherry and Mel are mother and daughter.
Other than those 2 - there are soo many agents that are so friendly, generous, kind and really like me working at Dickson. They tell me "Please don't leave us!" and other really nice things. It makes me feel good to know everyone there appreciates me and recognizes that I am good at what I do......... BUT...
I hate it. I hate reception. I hate computer work. I hate being BORED!! I can honestly say I am good at my current job and could almost do it in my sleep! That also means its sooo boring!!!
I love nursing. I love and hate the challenge it brings. I love the new adventures and all the awesome things I am learning. Sometimes I truly despise the challenge and fear it brings, but that's part of the learning and not being bored process... So overall, I LOVE it!
I can't wait to graduate, get a job as a RN and not do reception work anymore...
I can say that it almost tears me in 2... I will really really miss Dickson and all the PEOPLE, I will NOT miss the job.. But I am really looking forward to my new CAREER instead of just a job that I'm good at.
Somehow I feel "entitled" to be off work while I'm on break from school. I hate working at Dickson. I hate it.. That's my real feeling. But at the same time, I LOVE the people there! I love Sherry - my boss and main administrator/receptionist. I love Melanie, my fellow co-worker and administrator assistant/receptionist/marketing. I've grown to really love these two people and all they have done for more. They are so understanding and gracious! Sherry and Mel are mother and daughter.
Other than those 2 - there are soo many agents that are so friendly, generous, kind and really like me working at Dickson. They tell me "Please don't leave us!" and other really nice things. It makes me feel good to know everyone there appreciates me and recognizes that I am good at what I do......... BUT...
I hate it. I hate reception. I hate computer work. I hate being BORED!! I can honestly say I am good at my current job and could almost do it in my sleep! That also means its sooo boring!!!
I love nursing. I love and hate the challenge it brings. I love the new adventures and all the awesome things I am learning. Sometimes I truly despise the challenge and fear it brings, but that's part of the learning and not being bored process... So overall, I LOVE it!
I can't wait to graduate, get a job as a RN and not do reception work anymore...
I can say that it almost tears me in 2... I will really really miss Dickson and all the PEOPLE, I will NOT miss the job.. But I am really looking forward to my new CAREER instead of just a job that I'm good at.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Thankful
It's officially 1/1/11!! Happy New Year!
I am so thankful for all that I have in my life. I have a lot to be thankful for and I admit that I sometimes take it for granted and don't appreciate things as much as I should.
I am thankful for my wonderful, supportive, handsome husband who has been there for me no matter what happens! We have been through a lot in 5 years and he has never let me down. He's there for me through think and thin and always makes me smile and laugh! It has been a really hard 3 years trying to get through nursing school.. I haven't been the wife I should be or be there for Kyle as much as I know he needs. I truly appreciate his sacrifice and support through one of the hardest things I have done. I love him forever & always :)
I am thankful for my wonderful, supportive, handsome husband who has been there for me no matter what happens! We have been through a lot in 5 years and he has never let me down. He's there for me through think and thin and always makes me smile and laugh! It has been a really hard 3 years trying to get through nursing school.. I haven't been the wife I should be or be there for Kyle as much as I know he needs. I truly appreciate his sacrifice and support through one of the hardest things I have done. I love him forever & always :)
I am also thankful for the best kitty in the world, Rascal! She always puts a smile on my face and makes me so happy when I come home! I just love her to death!
I am thankful for my wonderful mother, my entire family, Kyle's family, all my closest and dearest friends - Jenna, Nicholas, Tanner, Jay & Teresa, ALL of my nursing school "family" who have journeyed a rough road with me.. I couldn't have made it this far without them, or continue nursing school without them!
I am thankful for a beautiful house that I definitely take for granted! I hate how far away with live and where we live, but I am so thankful I get to have a roof over my head and stay warm at night in a really nice house!
I am thankful to be able to live comfortably - We may not have a lot of money, but we are definitely more fortunate than a lot of people! We are able to eat daily, live in a great house, drive cars, have jobs, be able to go to school and mostly afford the things we desire.
I am thankful to just be alive! I have working legs, a healthy (somewhat!) body, and I take that for granted. I get to see a lot of sick people in nursing, but it has taught me to appreciate my health a little bit more.. Anyone can become sick at any moment, but I have fortunate throughout my life for my health!
I have SO much to be thankful for and today I truly appreciate everything..
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